Why do people do it to me? WHY? Is it really too much to ask that everybody get out of my way so that I can go about my nefarious deeds unhindered? It seems not. I went to the nearest shop to me this morning...(takes deep breath)Once again the useless fucking retards at Alldays, now known as co-op or whatever are still the same fucking braindead shelf filling customer-ignoring bunch of inbreeds...ever! New shop..oooh....new layout...what a fucking load of shit THAT is!!!! Not enough room to stretch your arms and FUCKING HELL GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DO!...U WANT TO LOOK AROUND WHEN THE ARSEHOLES ARE FILLING THE SHELVES...THE FUCKING STOCK TAKES UP ALL THE CUNTING ROOM SO ITS LIKE PLAYING THE FUCKING CRYSTAL MAZE TRYING TO WORK OUT A QUICK WAY TO GET TO THE FUCKING MILK WITHOUT HAVING YOUR PATH BLOCKED BY SOME IGNORANT CUNT WHO CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY THE CRISP BOX DOESNT FIT IN THE FUCKING CHEWING GUM SLOT!!!!!!! BURN THE FUCKING PLACE DOWN AFTER LOCKING EM ALL IN!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE IT AINT A NORMAL SHOP THE STAFF ARE MORE INTERESTED IN GOSSIPING THAN SERVING ANY CUNT FOOLISH ENOUGH TO WANT TO BE OUT OF THE SHOP BEFORE THE FUCKING THING THEY BOUGHT GOES OUT OF CUNTING DATE!!!
WHY? WHY IS IT WHENEVER I GOT TO THAT FUCKING HELLHOLE Of A SHOP THERE IS ALWAYS ONE FUCKING STUPID BITCH WHO EITHER DELAYS EVERY CUNT WHEN SHES SERVING, OR, FUCK ME!, STANDS THERE ON HER FUCKING DAY OFF CHATTING TO THE RETARDS BEHIND THE CUNTING TILL AND FUCK ME SIDEWAYS IF THE DAPPY CUNT WASN'T THERE FIRST THING THIS MORNING IN FRONT OF ME AT THE CASH MACHINE!!! EVERYWHERE I LOOK ITS HER STUPID FUCKING FACE LURKING UNDER A FUCKING HAT THAT SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!!
Why oh why do they keep that fucking hell-hole of a shop open? Jesus wept! The place is a fucking state! Theres more tobacco products on the floor than on the shelves! The stock is piled hither, thither and fucking yon! And the staff..(Goatboy hyperventilating now!!!) Lets start with the fucking thing who looks like Goofy mated with a fucking slug!!! EVERY phrase uttered from that canyon of yellowed tombstones masquerading as teeth is " please, thankyou!" BEFORE YOU HAVE EVEN BOUGHT THE STUFF!!!! "Can I help you? Please thankyou!" The eyes are like piss holes in the snow, she's a walking talking version of Alice the Goon from Popeye!!! The other thing is all saggy-tit and hanging nipple, more interested in whats going on outside the window than the queue THAT HAS JUST REACHED THE 5000 MARK!!!Don't worry about us, all the other inbreds, you just keep on filling the shelves while every other cunt in the shop waits around for the dopey bitch to shut the fuck up talking to some customer about her second-cousin-twice-removed's troubles with the council on account of the fact that her face makes blind kids cry!!! A while ago there was an octagenerian who would question every fucking thing you bought. " packet of green Rizlas please." "green?" yes" "rizlas?" "yes." " Green rizlas?" "YES!!!" 35 minutes later as she eyeballed EVERY FUCKING ITEM BEHIND THE COUNTER...INCLUDING COFFEE!!! She finds the fucking thinngs..then spouts " You shouldn't smoke you know, it's bad for your health."
GUESS WHAT? NOT HALF AS FUCKING BAD ITS GOING TO BE FOR YOUR HEALTH IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE FUCKING PAPERS RIGHT NOW YOU WRINKLED UP TEABAG FACED GUMMY SLACK SACK OF SHIT!! OH AND A 'BY THE WAY' WOMEN OF YOUR AGE SHOULD NOT WEAR FUCKING THREADBARE LEGGINS, BECAUSE NOT ONLY CAN WE LIP-READ YOUR WRINKLED OLD TWAT BUT WE HAVE A SUSPICION THAT THAT LONG PIECE OF THREAD HANGING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS MAY NOT BE THREAD AT ALL BUT ONE OF YOUR SPARSE OLD PUBES MAKING A FRANTINC BID FOR FREEDOM! TRIM THE FUCKING THING!...thats why I only go there when there's no other option......sigh..I'm not done.
Oh dear Lord does it ever end at Hampden park co-op ( formerly all-days..because thats how fucking long it took the slugs to serve ya!!!) Once again I walked into the shop and took my place in the queue..you remember? AT THE BACK BY THE FUCKING FRIDGES!!! And after the customary game played in the queue at Co-Op..mainly watching every perishable in sight GO OUT OF FUCKING DATE I finally arrived at the front. The was, as per usual one person at the counter because we ALL know that the other staff have far more important things to do than serving the fucking customers, such as arranging the fridges so that once can find what one wants WHERE ONE LEAST EXPECTS TO FIND IT.."Excuse me, where are the icecreams? " " Next to the scotch eggs between the yogurt and chicken pieces." Now, the cross-eyes div AKA alice the goon AKA donut lil formerly known as " OI! DIV!" was serving some woman and banging on about the usual incosequential bollocks and, after serving her,AND STILL TALKING TO HER, proceeds to give her change to a bloke in the next queue. THE NEXT FUCKING QUEUE! DIFFERENT PERSON! TO THE ONE SHE IS TALKING TO! AND ALSO SERVING! HOW DO THESE PEOPLE MANAGE TO GET THROUGH THE DAY? I mean fuck me, she has everything against her! She has the misfortune of being very ugly. I mean she had a job at the bakers where they used to push her fucking face into the dough to make gorrila biscuits!!! She'd earm a mint working for the chemist. Just stand out the front making every other cunt sick! Some days i pray that she will do like the irish cat and have a shit and bury herself, I would be as happy as a cock in a cunt shop ( which some of you may say it already is!) Another little annoyance is the fact that why is it that the cafes in H/Park seem to have a prerequisite number of dins who congregate and hog all the tables for at least 7 hours a day! Every day! One cup of tea between them, sitting there dressed badly practicing social skills on other demented fucks to whom beauty is only a light switch away!!! I mean some of em are ugly enough to make a fucking onion cry!!!Otheres are SO fucking boring you fall asleep halfway through their name! There's one little goblin of a woman who is tiny!! I mean she is so fucking short when it rains she is the last to know and you can tell the brain waves are falling a little short of the beach and the rest of em, well...as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker! Maybe i should stay home for a bit!
So I decide to go to the charity shop..maye browse and buy a book...(deep breath..purple face)WHY HAS THE HAMPDEN PARK CHARITY SHOP CHANGED TO A POUND AN ITEM SHOP? I GO IN THERE FOR BOOKS!!! I HAVE TO BUY 2 FOR A £1. MOST OF THE SHIT IN THERE AINT WORTH TEN BOB (50P) AND YET THEY HIKE THE PRICES UP? IS IT COS THE FUCKING RETARDS THERE CANNOT DO SUBTRACTION? CHANGE? OH NO WE CANT FIGURE THAT OUT? THEN THERE IS THE ONE WHO THINKS SHES THE FUCKING HOSTESS OF A DINNER PARTY...NO SOONER DO YOU WALK IN ITS " GOOD MORNING SIR CAN I HELP YOU AT ALL?" SURELY THATS JUST MANNERS GOATBOY? NO! NOT WHEN ITS SHOUTED OUT LIKE A CLARION CALL!!! IF I WANT HELP YOU'LL KNOW IT BECAUSE I WILL START THE CONVERSATION WITH "I WANT HELP!!!!" THEN THEY PUT SOME OLD DEAR IN A WHEELCHAIR IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING BOOKS...COUNTING THE PIECES OF A FUCKING JIGSAW PUZZLE!!!!! MOVE THE SMELLY PISS STAINED OLD COFFIN-DODGER OUTTA MY WAY!!! OH AND THEY SHOULD INVEST IN DEODORANT AND NOT EMPLOY STAFF WHO MOUTH WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BACK TO YOU A MILLISECOND AFTER YOU HAVE SAID IT!!!:D